From the Other Side
by Harryfan626
Summary: "Hey," she says, "It's me." She kneels down and lays the bunches of lavender she clutches on the grave. Snapshots of Meredith visiting Derek, inspired by Hello by Adele


_one year_

"Hey," she says, "It's me." She opens her mouth as if there is something else she wants to say but instead she kneels down and lays the bunches of lavender she clutches on the grave before her. Slowly standing up her eyes trace the inscription on the headstone

 _Derek Shepherd, Beloved Father, Husband, Brother, surgical legend, neuro-god, always our McDreamy._

"I was going over everything," Meredith says, "I do that a lot. And I know how much you loved my conditioner and I can't very well give you that because I think who ever cleans up graves would be confused and I know that lilies are traditional but I brought lavender, a little bit of me I guess. They say time is supposed to heal but it's been a year and I don't really think I've done much healing. God," a sob escapes her as tears start to fall, "I don't even know if you can hear me. Can you hear me? I've been having a lot of dreams, about us. What we could have been, what we were. Just imagine how differently our lives would have played out if we were so much smarter when we were younger. But…" Meredith looks up to the sky, "It's as if I've forgotten how good life could be, with you here. But there's six feet between us and I'm just constantly missing you."

 _five years_

"Hey," she says, "It's me, over here on this side. The kids are here again, this year. It's hard explaining to Ellis that this is daddy. She just turned four and she looks just like you, you'd be so proud. And Zola's ten now. She's incredible, won't stop telling her friends how she's going to be a brain surgeon just like her dad. Bailey's about to turn seven, he's a math whiz and his memory gives Lexie a run for her money." Meredith sighed. She limited herself to only one visit per year because if not she knew she would spend so much time sitting beside a slab of stone.

"I'm sorry that I don't visit often. I just, I can't. And I've tried to move on, I knew you would have wanted me to but you're still it for me, Derek. You will always be it for me."

"Sometimes I still call your cellphone. I know it's stupid that I still pay the bill for it but it lets me hear your voice. And I listen to that voicemail you left me so often, I can't let myself forget your voice. It would kill me inside, I've already lost the rest of you." Meredith lays her bunches of lavender on the ground and stands by his grave in silence.

 _eleven years_

"Hey," she says, "It's me. How're you? That's a stupid question. I know I don't need to update you because Zola drove here yesterday. Can you believe it, ZoZo driving? I mean but I also know I don't need to update you at all because it's not like you can hear it but I don't know I feel like you can. Can you? I hope it isn't tearing you apart if you can hear it."

Stepping away from the grave Meredith yelled at the top of her lungs, "We're okay here!"

"We're okay," She says a little softer, confirming the statement for herself, "But we still miss you. I miss you. I didn't stay there. But I waited. I'm waiting. I miss you."

Like every years before, Meredith leaves lavender on his grave and she walks away with tears threatening to fall.

 _twenty five years_

"Hey," she says, "It's me. Last month I walked Zo down the aisle. It should have been you." For the first time in years, Meredith sits down beside the grave, "I miss you," She starts to cry, "I'm running out of time," she lays down and imagines for a second that Derek's arms are wrapped around her, "I had been forgetful lately and I didn't think much about it but Bailey was worried and two weeks ago," a sob wracks her entire body, "two weeks ago, I got the diagnosis. Alzheimer's. And you aren't here to remind me who you are like you promised. You promised!" She slams her fist on the ground, it had been years since she had been angry about his death but right in that moment she was hurting more than she had in the twenty five years since he breathed his last breathe, "The post-it said forever. We deserved forever. And now I'm going to forget what little time we had."

She did not bring lavenders that year.

 _twenty six years_

"Zola, where are we? Where are you taking me?"

"You told me that you had to come here on the anniversary mom, you told me no matter how far gone you were you had to come."

They stop walking and almost like a breathe Meredith says, "Hey, it's me." And for a few moments she remembers.

Zola had to lay down the lavenders, her mother could not get out of the wheelchair and even if she could, she would not know the significance.

 _twenty six years two months and twelve days_

"Hey, it's me," he says, a large grin spread across his face and his eyes crinkling in that perfect way that she had not seen in a quarter of a century, that she had spent a year not remembering.

"It's you." Meredith says.

Derek's grin widens, "I've missed you so much." He starts walking towards her but she takes off running straight into his arms. For twenty six years it tore them both apart and with that kiss they were brought back together.


End file.
